Coursework - Sample Feedback

Pilar,

-         Effective intro. Now: Who’s Daniel Chandler? Provide some more info
-         Intro: Why not work a little bit on the importance of connotation?
-         Para.2: Last sentence: quote the source
-         Para.3: are the ads for a tv or light bulb? What are they trying to ‘sell’?
-         Para. 4: Where does the idea of success come from? Expand on this point pls
-         Para.5: Why has light-blue been chosen for the ads? 
-         Why do you think the ads ‘were created in order to comply with certain needs of a certain sector’? Could you be more specific?
-         I find the conclusion ambiguous. I guess you’ll have to reframe it.
-         Very good work!!

Macarena,

-         Your intro arouses the reader’s interest and sets the topic of your article effectively. Check the definitions of denotation and connotation and quote your source.
-         Para.3: What makes viewers think ‘They could be a Chief Engineer’? Expand on this point.
-         Whay makes the image of the man ‘successful and serious’? Keep on working on this point.
-         Para.4: reframe topic sentence pls

Milagros,

-         Your intro’s fine but you may want to make it more engaging. Reframe pls.
-         Para. 2: your arguments are ok but you’ll need to justify your ideas with evidence from the texts: Why does it seem that ‘Nothing is impossible for them’? Keep on working on the slogan.
-         Expand on the point which deals with eye contact.
-         Conclusion: try to restate your points, esp. the ones concerning ‘effects’ and ‘techniques’