Essay Writing

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Essay writing ferrarelli from Mariana Ferrarelli

Writing Checklist

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http://dl.dropbox.com/u/83085236/IGCSE%20Writing%20Checklist%20Ferrarelli%20M.pdf

Assignment 3 - Ads

Write an article for an international magazine which specialises in marketing analysing the effectiveness and design of two print advertisements belonging to the same campaign.

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Coursework - Sample Feedback

Pilar,

-         Effective intro. Now: Who’s Daniel Chandler? Provide some more info
-         Intro: Why not work a little bit on the importance of connotation?
-         Para.2: Last sentence: quote the source
-         Para.3: are the ads for a tv or light bulb? What are they trying to ‘sell’?
-         Para. 4: Where does the idea of success come from? Expand on this point pls
-         Para.5: Why has light-blue been chosen for the ads? 
-         Why do you think the ads ‘were created in order to comply with certain needs of a certain sector’? Could you be more specific?
-         I find the conclusion ambiguous. I guess you’ll have to reframe it.
-         Very good work!!

Macarena,

-         Your intro arouses the reader’s interest and sets the topic of your article effectively. Check the definitions of denotation and connotation and quote your source.
-         Para.3: What makes viewers think ‘They could be a Chief Engineer’? Expand on this point.
-         Whay makes the image of the man ‘successful and serious’? Keep on working on this point.
-         Para.4: reframe topic sentence pls

Milagros,

-         Your intro’s fine but you may want to make it more engaging. Reframe pls.
-         Para. 2: your arguments are ok but you’ll need to justify your ideas with evidence from the texts: Why does it seem that ‘Nothing is impossible for them’? Keep on working on the slogan.
-         Expand on the point which deals with eye contact.
-         Conclusion: try to restate your points, esp. the ones concerning ‘effects’ and ‘techniques’

Harsh Destiny, by Pilar Vigo Malusardi

Harsh Destiny

All of our movements provoke unexpected reactions in the world, actions we thought were insignificant; however, accumulate throughout time coming back to us, either for the better or worse. Considering the infinite possibilities pool, I wonder whether I could have changed our fate. Perhaps it did not have to end that way.

It was at the end of my last year in high school and, having had our seats reassigned, the boy I liked sat next to me. Quiet as he was, he did not have many friends; he was not anything special to look at, nor did he have any extraordinary qualities, but he had always been very kind to me. Be it coincidence, fate, or luck, it made me happy that chance had decided to make our paths cross. However, I did not have the courage to seize this chance. I should have let him know I loved him. Although we both knew deep inside that this was more than friendship, neither of us took a step foward. As a philosopher once said, nothing comes from good will if one does not act upon it.

In those days, I had taken to photography. Though I took my camera everywhere,  still I had not found that subject that would trigger my inspiration. Chancely, I realized that this boy, with the sad look in his eyes, was the perfect model I had been looking for. The moment he looked up at me, I immediately knew that he was the one. He had an aura about him that really caught my eye, as if he were in a place of his own, where nobody could perceive his presence.

It was  hard to strike up a conversation with him; he was not very easy-going but, in the long run, I noticed that he had a natural charm many had failed to see. We had a lot of things in common, especially our family problems, and at once we became soul mates. Just the two of us could grasp what it felt to be lonely. Not even our parents were aware of our grief, as they were busy fighting each other. Needless to say, happiness was a feeling we could only enjoy in each other’s presence, mainly when we hang out on the school rooftop, a place off-limits to students. These were the moments I cherished the most, the two of us together without a worry in the world. I would take pictures of him, the sun bathing every inch of his body.

For the last weeks, before the inevitable happened, I noticed an air of gloominess enveloping him. His vacant eyes betrayed nothing but concern. Once and again I asked him the reason for his erratic attitute. Silence, at best, was his reply. He seemed to have burnt himself out.

I guess I did see it coming, just not this soon. Maybe, I hoped it would not happen. That afternoon, we were on the rooftop, as was our norm, me leaning against the wall, both with eyes fixed over the rails towards the horizon. He was quieter than usual and not very much responsive. When I talked to him, he limited himself to nods and smiles. I only took my eyes off him for a few seconds to look for my camera. When I turned round, I found him balancing on the edge of the wall, 25 meters of empty space layed between him and the ground. I did not even get a chance to shout out before he turned to look at me, with half closed eyes and, just like that, he let himself fall.

It took but a moment, there he was reflecting on the void left behind. Inmediately after, a deafening silence like sirens, and the single realization that all he had ever wanted was to be loved for the person he truly was. Yet death had taken him, as it does with everyone in their due time, only it came too soon for him.

Ever since, I have willingly spent endless hours locked up in my room, stuck in a world of concrete and glass. Years have gone by in the blink of an eye. No matter what I do with my life from now on, it does not interfere with the messed up jumble that makes up destiny, as nobody cares for my existence. No one is going to find me here, no rescue is coming; the tide, in its fury, is drowning me. Little do I want to carry on in this cold, empty world. The only barely perceptible sound is that of my own voice whispering to my brain: “Were life to give me a second chance, would I be corageous enough to hinder his jump or would I follow him in his flight?”

The Forest, by Julián Domecq

“The Forest”

The noise of the alarm clock woke me up, when I opened my eyes to turn it off I realize that I have forgotten to changed the alarm time. I was late for school. Fortunately my clothes were prepared in my chair and my bag was ready. I rushed downstairs and grab a piece of bread for the journey. In my way I noticed that the road that i always picked was closed. Many roads were opened to reach the school, but the one of the forest was the most exciting one.

            When I put my feet on the grass a strange wind gently caress my face. It was a huge forest, while I was almost striding, the idea of getting school had faded away and my head was flooded with all the things that i could do on that mysterious place. The branches with all the leaves barely let the sun beams through; I was imagining a whole movie on my subconscious. I tried hard to spot new animals or insects, maybe I could find a new specimen. In every single hole I peered, but it was in vain. Suddenly my head stopped the dreaming, and almost unwittingly my legs start running, I could only heard my exhausted breath.

            Suddenly a root appeared in the middle and my feet got tangled, in the blink of an eye I was on the floor, but it take me seconds to  realize that the soil had a quaggy texture. When I got up the nice and green forest suddenly turned into a creepy and gloomy place, the blossom flowers were now dead roots coming from some puddles that you can’t even see the bottom, the birds and rabbits that had been there a few seconds ago had mysteriously disappear and the only living creatures were a few frogs hidden in marsh plants. I took two steps and suddenly all the landscape were covered by fog and I could barely see where to put my next step.

            The idea of being late to school has completely disappeared, I was astonished, the road had completely disappeared and my head only cared about the strange change of a beautiful forest into a creepy and gloomy swamp. Never in my life I had saw this part of the forest, it was something new for my eyes. I noticed that my bag was much heavier than it was before; I turned around to see what was it and my scream was heard from miles away. A green and cold snake was almost reaching my neck when I threw the bag away and I did what I was supposed to do, run as fast as possible. In the moment that I rushed I couldn’t even remembered what was thinking , and again the only thing that I could hear was my breath and my steps hitting again the draft soil, the beams were all over the green grass, the trees and the blossom flowers appeared again as the swamp never appeared.

            Suddenly I was a few meters from the school, I was dirty and with my heart beating very quick, but my mind only thought on the strange things that happened on that forest. I heard the bell and my best friend came and asked me why I was all dirty and where was my bag and I responded: “Only the forest and I know what really happened”