Harsh Destiny, by Pilar Vigo Malusardi

Harsh Destiny

All of our movements provoke unexpected reactions in the world, actions we thought were insignificant; however, accumulate throughout time coming back to us, either for the better or worse. Considering the infinite possibilities pool, I wonder whether I could have changed our fate. Perhaps it did not have to end that way.

It was at the end of my last year in high school and, having had our seats reassigned, the boy I liked sat next to me. Quiet as he was, he did not have many friends; he was not anything special to look at, nor did he have any extraordinary qualities, but he had always been very kind to me. Be it coincidence, fate, or luck, it made me happy that chance had decided to make our paths cross. However, I did not have the courage to seize this chance. I should have let him know I loved him. Although we both knew deep inside that this was more than friendship, neither of us took a step foward. As a philosopher once said, nothing comes from good will if one does not act upon it.

In those days, I had taken to photography. Though I took my camera everywhere,  still I had not found that subject that would trigger my inspiration. Chancely, I realized that this boy, with the sad look in his eyes, was the perfect model I had been looking for. The moment he looked up at me, I immediately knew that he was the one. He had an aura about him that really caught my eye, as if he were in a place of his own, where nobody could perceive his presence.

It was  hard to strike up a conversation with him; he was not very easy-going but, in the long run, I noticed that he had a natural charm many had failed to see. We had a lot of things in common, especially our family problems, and at once we became soul mates. Just the two of us could grasp what it felt to be lonely. Not even our parents were aware of our grief, as they were busy fighting each other. Needless to say, happiness was a feeling we could only enjoy in each other’s presence, mainly when we hang out on the school rooftop, a place off-limits to students. These were the moments I cherished the most, the two of us together without a worry in the world. I would take pictures of him, the sun bathing every inch of his body.

For the last weeks, before the inevitable happened, I noticed an air of gloominess enveloping him. His vacant eyes betrayed nothing but concern. Once and again I asked him the reason for his erratic attitute. Silence, at best, was his reply. He seemed to have burnt himself out.

I guess I did see it coming, just not this soon. Maybe, I hoped it would not happen. That afternoon, we were on the rooftop, as was our norm, me leaning against the wall, both with eyes fixed over the rails towards the horizon. He was quieter than usual and not very much responsive. When I talked to him, he limited himself to nods and smiles. I only took my eyes off him for a few seconds to look for my camera. When I turned round, I found him balancing on the edge of the wall, 25 meters of empty space layed between him and the ground. I did not even get a chance to shout out before he turned to look at me, with half closed eyes and, just like that, he let himself fall.

It took but a moment, there he was reflecting on the void left behind. Inmediately after, a deafening silence like sirens, and the single realization that all he had ever wanted was to be loved for the person he truly was. Yet death had taken him, as it does with everyone in their due time, only it came too soon for him.

Ever since, I have willingly spent endless hours locked up in my room, stuck in a world of concrete and glass. Years have gone by in the blink of an eye. No matter what I do with my life from now on, it does not interfere with the messed up jumble that makes up destiny, as nobody cares for my existence. No one is going to find me here, no rescue is coming; the tide, in its fury, is drowning me. Little do I want to carry on in this cold, empty world. The only barely perceptible sound is that of my own voice whispering to my brain: “Were life to give me a second chance, would I be corageous enough to hinder his jump or would I follow him in his flight?”